If I Had Legs I'd Kick You — Characters & Cast

To cure her daughter while harboring an unacknowledged urge to flee her suffocating reality.

Starts as a hyper-vigilant professional barely holding together the seams of her life; spirals through sleeplessness, displacement, and defensive aggression into complete breakdown; ultimately finds a stripped-down moment of human recognition.

To enforce therapeutic boundaries against an antagonistic, defensive client.

Exists as Linda’s emotional foil in therapy sessions, shifting from analytical composure to petty exasperation as Linda punctures his clinical detachment.

Maintaining his vocational duties while attempting to pacify his wife's stress from afar.

Heard solely over phone lines from aboard his ship, his role is static, representing the disconnect of the partner who offers distant platitudes while remaining insulated from crisis.

Managing motel affairs while drifting into Linda's surreal orbit.

As the motel superintendent, he crosses paths with Linda during her nocturnal wandering, providing low-stakes, non-judgmental human interaction devoid of familial expectations.

Comfort, sensory security, and recovery from feeding trauma.

Progresses from a disembodied voice of high-needs anxiety and physical vulnerability to an on-screen child whose humanity breaks through Linda's defense mechanisms.