If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You is a psychological comedy-drama written and directed by Mary Bronstein. The film follows Linda (Rose Byrne), a practicing psychotherapist in Montauk, New York, who is balancing her demanding professional caseload against the grinding emotional and physical toll of raising a young daughter suffering from a chronic pediatric feeding disorder. The child requires nightly nourishment administered through an enteral feeding pump as well as daily attendance at a specialized day hospital program. With her husband Charles (voiced by Christian Slater), a ship captain, absent on an eight-week voyage at sea, Linda must manage the medical routine entirely alone.

The precarious equilibrium of Linda’s daily existence collapses when the ceiling of their Montauk residence caves in from water damage, forcing mother and daughter into temporary exile at a rundown roadside motel. Uprooted and profoundly sleep-deprived from the rhythmic hum and beeping of her daughter’s medical machinery, Linda’s nights become a sanctuary of desperate escapism involving junk food, alcohol, and weed outside the room. Along the way, she crosses paths with an eccentric cast of peripheral figures, including Diana (Ivy Wolk), the motel’s acerbic front desk clerk; James (A$AP Rocky), the motel’s easygoing superintendent; and Caroline (Danielle Macdonald).

As Linda grapples with the sudden disappearance of one of her therapy patients, her internal friction spills over into her own treatment sessions. Sitting across from her therapist (Conan O'Brien), Linda’s suppressed resentment transforms into a combative, darkly comic psychological sparring match. Threaded with deadpan absurdity and unrelenting tension, the narrative tracks Linda’s unraveling as she navigates the unspeakable isolation and ambivalence of maternal caretaking.

Mary Bronstein conceived the film to articulate the taboo realities of maternal resentment, rage, and chronic caregiver burnout. Rather than presenting motherhood as an idealized narrative of selfless nobility, the film examines the terror of feeling emotionally enslaved to a dependent being whose survival requires total self-abnegation. Bronstein framed the work as a feminine inversion of David Lynch’s Eraserhead, explaining that while Lynch's classic addresses a male fear of paternal entrapment from which the man can theoretically walk away, Linda exists in an inescapable biological and societal bind: she cannot leave.

The core message explores how unconditional love can coexist with unspeakable anger. Under unrelenting trauma, the person receiving care can unintentionally turn into an object of fear and burden rather than a subject of love. Empathy and reconnection cannot happen until a caregiver’s suppressed agony is fully externalized and faced, stripping away martyrdom to confront the human being on the other side.

The film can be read through several distinct lenses:

Premiering during a notable cultural shift in independent cinema toward unvarnished depictions of maternal ambivalence and burnout, the film stood alongside works exploring parental horror through psychological realism. Distributed by A24 following its Sundance premiere in January 2025, it garnered widespread acclaim, particularly for Rose Byrne’s central performance, which earned the Silver Bear at Berlin, an Independent Spirit Award, a Golden Globe Award, and an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress. It also sparked wider cultural discourse on platforms like Reddit and cultural outlets regarding the isolating realities of pediatric feeding disorders.

Critical Acclaim: Unified praise centered on Rose Byrne’s performance, hailed as an electrifying, uncompromising masterclass in comic frustration and manic grief. Mary Bronstein's sharp script, tight claustrophobic pacing, and Conan O'Brien’s dramatic turn were also widely lauded.

Criticisms: Some viewers found the experience emotionally exhausting, noting that its unrelenting anxiety and refusal to offer traditional cinematic comfort made it painful to watch, with some divided over maternal hostility toward a sick child.

Debates: The deliberate choice to withhold the child's face until the final scene divided audiences between those viewing it as an inspired formal device and those finding it alienating.